by on December 28, 2019

Last night I had a very blissful dream. She was there, and we were in each others arms. We were in love and there was no denying it. We had found each other after ages of searching. I was angry, I told her as we sat down together in the forest floor on a pile of leaves. I am so angry the connection was not established earlier. She looked at me, and said, “You have spoken my feelings, I have been so afraid to tell them but now that you have pointed out the obvious, it is what I missed about you for so long.” I stood up, angrily and glared at the sky above with gritted teeth, I said “How could you say you know anything about me when you have only just seen me? Have we not fully gotten used to the idea that we just met? Have you been looking in to my life? Do you see what I even long for? Do you know how home sick I am? To hell with them, to hell with this reality!” She stood up, she clamped her fingers around my neck and held me in a tight embrace. I spun around and looked in her eyes, tears forming as I choked out “You have no idea how much I long for justice and for the idiots of this reality to be destroyed for ever!” I could not help it, I started crying on her shoulders, she gently placed a hand on my qwivering should as she hugged me, putting her arms around me as she held me tight. Tears streaked her face as she looked in to me and saw how passionate I was and sick I was of everything. She rubbed my back, with warm, sweet strokes. “You and I will go together and kill them and then take our ship and make a blissful escape after freeing everyone else.” I shrugged and nodded eagerly, tears still streaming down my face. She started crying, long wet sobs that drenched my shoulders after the first few seconds. We held each other tightly, and then, I woke up, with nothing accomplished. I screamed, it was a long howling drawn out blood boiling battle cry of terror, defeat and pain all at once. I stared at the empty walls of my room which became a prison, no the prison was inside of me I told myself longing for escape for so long. I thrashed wildly as I picked up various objects and threw them at the window panes, shattering them with every slash I made. I was intending on forced suicide, I picked up the broken shards of glass and started cutting myself. Long, irregular cuts I slashed driving deeper and deeper welcoming the pain of it. I cried happily when I saw the blood gushing out of all the wounds. I licked myself all over for extra exposure to pain as I fell to the floor and collapsed under the pain of it. FVurious at my own weakness, I forced myself to stand up but the pain was too much. I lost consciousness again as I knew I would be leaving shortly. Only to reawaken in the hospital with every machine hooked up to me that they had most likely. I blacked out again and woke up to find myself in some sort of recovery room with doctors and nerses standing all around me. I thought to myself, if this is hell, I am being sucked back in here after I quite clearly stated that I was not wanting to be here anymore. I sighed deeply as they looked up to see me glearing at the ceiling. They looked at one another with looks of terror on their faces but said nothing as a few of the nerses changed my many multiples of bandages. I wondered how much it would cost but said to myself, they do not deserve a peny of it. I ended up loosing consciousness once more as I finally forced myself to die. It took a lot of will power but I did it in the end. Good riddance to this world.

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